Firstly I am sorry for the times I slated you…
The times I wished my hips were smaller or my boobs were bigger.
The times when I was younger constantly wishing I was in a different body.
I am sorry for constantly putting you down because I was never happy with the person who was looking back at me.
If only I could go back in time and shake my younger self and say that those things do not matter! I wish I had stopped talking negatively to you and took advantage of my good health!
I’m sorry I did not treat you as well as I should have by not giving you enough food at times and other times overindulging.
When you began failing me at 21 I was angry! I couldn’t understand what was happening to me and why you would not let my bladder and bowel empty like they used to. I screamed at you, I yelled at you and I wanted to hurt you! I felt you were against me and we didn’t work as one…I was separate from you.
I’m sorry for the times I felt utter hatred towards you, blaming you for robbing me of my career, my 20’s and the dream to have a family.
My 20’s were tough I had no respect for you and felt in some twisted way I deserved my ill health.
Ironic that now looking back after many major surgeries and 2 stoma bags later I can now appreciate ALL of you.
Which brings me on to the most important thank you’s…
Thank you for getting me through the many operations, septic bouts and close calls. You have survived against the odds and still keep on going.
Thank you for helping me see that my scars and my stomas bags are my badges of honour, that they represent my strength and resilience! They tell a story of survival and show just how miraculous you are!
Thank you for not letting me down and keeping me alive. I know I need to listen to you more, especially when the septic bouts occur and I am trying to tune in when you are giving me signs to rest.
Thank you for being patient and allowing me to change my mindset! I love you more now than I ever did even when I was healthy! I no longer look in the mirror and wish my body looked different because I have worked hard to learn to love you. I don’t think I ever did from a really young age.
Now, I do not sweat about the small stuff and I have learnt to love you just as you are with all your perfect imperfections and that without them I would not be here!
Finally, thank you for being my body with all the organs that are not working quite as they should and the organs that have been removed, you still continue to amaze me with your natural instinct to keep fighting.
With everything that we have gone through together I now truly love and respect you more than I ever have and without my ill health, I believe I still would be hung up on the outside stuff. You have helped me find gratitude for my ill health and continue to work with me to now make new dreams and more amazing memories.